Let us chat - again...
I have written 2 blog posts recently - you either loved them and agreed or felt like I was being judgemental and nasty. You can read them HERE & HERE.
My intention wasn't too offend in those posts. I actually reworded both of those countless times because I was worried I was coming across "too harsh". But for this post my thoughts are a little different, let the truth be harsh. If Mothers are good enough to speak harshly about their little children, I will speak harshly in their defence.
I am sick to death, like I cannot roll my eyes anymore they are that tired - at the trash that mothers post online, the complaining is just constant & I just over look it, but it's the name calling & humiliating that fires me up.
So the main topic I have to talk about again - is how we speak about our small children online.
STOP CALLING YOUR SMALL CHILDREN ASSHOLES!
If you are a parent and call your small child any cruel name, off or online - trust me, they are not the asshole. You are, yes you read that right - YOU ARE.
Last night before I went to bed a friend showed me the latest "funny viral photo" that is making it's rounds in the "Mummy Community" - I refuse to show this photo because a) it broke my heart & made me feel sick & b) I refuse to further humiliate that poor child. The photo is of a small child, I would think is under 2 (I am hopeless at guessing ages) but the little child was asleep with a baby bottle of milk laying beside him. Over the top of him one of his parents/carers had written "I'm an asshole today" in little wooden play blocks.
That to me is heartbreaking and wrong. Someone went out of there way to write that over an innocent sleeping baby - and yes children are innocent contrary to popular opinion that they are these evil little assholes sent to earth to mess up our lives.
I wish to write an open letter to this parent/Mother/father/carer - whoever did this and any other Mother/parent that willingly humiliates and name calls her kids...
I feel I have to write this, this is a very sad, ugly & concerning trend that is prevalent in the online Mummy community and someone has to stand up and say that it isn't ok. I maybe on my own in thinking that this trend is sad & wrong, but perhaps you agree - if you do - please share this post. Don't go along with this trend, be courageous and stand up & say that this is NOT ok!
I have a lot to say & you may not like it if you are someone who does this, but it may also change your mind.
To the parents who name call their children,
Your toddler is not an asshole - nope, not all. But you however are, if you think that it is ok to name call your child. Because lets look at this, you are name calling & ridiculing a small child online for what reason?
I would actually love, LOVE to know why you think your child is an asshole and read your reasoning behind calling them such a hurtful term online. And it concerns me that all these parents proudly & openly call their kids assholes online - even if it's meant to be light hearted, what are they calling their kids in real life?
Because yes I do doubt your respect for your child & your parenting ability if you are proudly calling your little child a hurtful name online. You made this baby, you gave birth & now it is your responsibility to raise that child to the best of your ability. Stop name calling someone you created, it is sick! People out there are longing to parent a child and would never dream of calling them an asshole - but here you are boasting about it. Making your children into "internet sensations".
Because they were "naughty" today - was your toddler in fact behaving like a toddler? Shock horror! Kids will be kids, kids will be challenging, but your kid is not purposely trying to mess up your day. Do you expect them to behave in a way that is beyond their age? A 3 year old will behave like a 3 year old. Perhaps they were disruptive to something you wanted to be doing? Were you more focused on your phone? The TV? Were they longing for your attention? Because that's what kids want, your time & attention. If you give your child what they need, you may notice an attitude change. Pay attention to your child - love them, they are the most important thing in your life - well, they should be.
And I am sorry to say it, but if your kid is an asshole - take a good hard look around. Children are products of their environments, if you think your toddler is an asshole - guess who made him that way. YOU, how we behave impacts our children. If you want your kid to be better, be so yourself. Step up and Mother with joy & heart - because I am willing to bet you actually don't. If you did, calling your baby an asshole online wouldn't even be an option to you.
Start being with your child more, engage with them, be a role model, get down and play with your child - put time & effort, joy & heart into your Mothering.
At the end of the day you are the parent - you are the adult. We have a choice on how we behave. Kids will be kids, they will be fun, challenging, lovely, at times naughty, they will push limits and they have the ability to frustrate us and also make us be filled with pride & joy. They are learning how to handle emotions & how to act & behave. How we react to their behaviour is crucial. If we lash out in a ridiculous style time & time again, that is how they will learn to deal with conflict & hard times. Everyone loses their cool at some point, it is human nature - but being mindful to how we react is so important. They are children, they are learning - we should know better and respond better. If we want our children to respect us & grow up to be good & kind people, we have to teach them how to be respectful and good & that starts by first being a role model for them. They do as we do. Be the type of person who you want your child to be.
Name calling our children sets the standard for them, if you name call your child or your husband in front of your children - do not be surprised when your child is in trouble at school for name calling & bullying other kids. Kids act how their parents act. So if you want your child to stop being an asshole, start being a better parent. It is that easy. Putting your heart & joy into Mothering won't give you a perfect child, no child is, just as no parent is perfect - but when you parent with heart & joy, you are changing things within yourself. You are changing how you respond, you are striving to be better, you are being more positive and our attitude and behaviour is picked up and copied by our children. Having a positive & joyful mindset & outlook influences the tone in our home and the tone in our home is felt by the entire household and influences everyones behaviour.
Do you see my point? Do you see why I believe this trend is so damaging and wrong? It isn't right. Your child is a child, there will be days when they challenge you, there will be bad days where it all goes wrong, days you feel like you may lose your mind at the monotony of parenthood, moments when you feel like you are failing - but if you push on and don't let the hard moments get you down & make you bitter, you won't fail. The challenging times are easily outweighed by all the positive and joy filled times.
You may find the tone in this post a bit judgemental, I admit I am fairly judgemental to any parent that name calls or humiliates their child. If you were standing in a store and someone screamed at their toddler they were an asshole - what would your thoughts be? Would you judge? Would you think that borders on child abuse? I surely do. I find this trend appalling.
Now about this block incident, if the parent who did this by some weird chance reads this - what the hell is wrong with you? Really? I would LOVE to know what went through your head while you set this up and took the photo and posted it online. If your baby, yes that child to me is still a baby - was that challenging today, welcome to parenthood - it can be challenging - babies are babies and kids are kids. But by the looks of that photo he was napping, instead of writing a disgusting message over the top of him to humiliate him - go have a moment to yourself, have a cold drink, wash your face, lay down beside him & appreciate that beautiful baby you have, sit outside and breath fresh air - do something to regain your sanity but do not do what you did. That's so wrong & past the point of messed up - what happened in that photo is not ok. And the sick part is that it went "viral" because people - MOTHERS actually, liked, shared & commented joking and agreeing that their children were also assholes - their toddlers were assholes... Mothers are the ones making this behaviour acceptable and it has to stop. And there were a few people who did seem to have morals & respect for kids who voiced that this was wrong and they were attacked by other parents who accused them of not having a sense of humour or that "if you think your child isn't an asshole you are lying".
No and no! It is not funny, not one part of that is humorous and sorry, my daughter never has been and never will be an asshole. She is a toddler, toddlers can be a handful - kids at any stage are - it isn't rocket science - it is parenting. But I have no desire to name call, abuse, bully or humiliate my child - even if it is "just online". Because I appreciate & respect my daughter.
If your coping style for parenting is to humiliate your child when you have had a rough day I encourage you to rethink your strategy - there are better ways. We don't need to bully our children, and yes that is what this is - bullying. If someone else name called your child, what would you think? Would you be horrified and mad? Well, why do you do it? When your child starts school, if someone else called them a name or made a photo of them with a cruel name written on it would you be angry? I most certainly would. Do not behave in a way that you would be unhappy with someone else doing. Just because it is "your kid" doesn't mean you have free range to humiliate and bully them.
If you want try and different approach to parenting I urge you to explore my blog site.
On this site you will find posts that are encouraging - encouraging Mums to enjoy motherhood, to be joyful parents and to actually respect our husbands & kids. You will not read a post from me humiliating the people close to me, complaining about motherhood or just being negative.
Our attitude and thoughts control our whole entire lives, that is part of the reason I have no desire to complain about Mothering - Mothering is a wonderful & fleeting season of our lives. They are only small for so long, they will only need us for a short while - don't waste these precious years and don't make yourself cringe when you look back on yourself as a Mother of young children.
Name calling our children makes nothing better.
To the parents - the Mothers, who think it is ok to call your children assholes - it isn't. Please stop. It isn't funny, raw or honest. It's sad, bordering on abuse and just disgusting - you are pretty much bullying someone who assumes that you love them. Your small child, the person you created, is not an asshole, they aren't. But by writing they are, kind of makes you look like you are.
Think about the words written here, if they make you mad is it because they are hitting a nerve?
We created our children, we are beyond blessed to have them, they are not assholes.
I encourage you to change the way you speak about & to your children, let the words you say (type) be positive. Say you've had a hard day, say your child is a handful but there is never a need to swear, humiliate and name call. Never.
Be intentional with your words, have your mind geared to seek the positive, realise how fortunate you are to have your child/ren & Mother with heart & joy.
If you wish to read my 2 previous posts on similar topics & to learn why I feel so passionately about #MotheringwithHeartandJoy please click HERE & HERE.
If you would like to connect with me on social media please find the links below;
Facebook; Modern Wife Life 31
Snap Chat; Bindy_30
In case you missed it, during the week I posted a new blog post... Link is in the comments below. #Motheringwithheartandjoy
Posted by Modern Wife Life 31 on Friday, February 5, 2016 YES!! I strive for this daily. Motherhood can be challenging, everyone knows that - it is a given and every Mum has...